Depression is…depressing

Dude, and I have seriously been in the throes of it this past week. Yesterday was so bad, I basically spent all day in bed not even wanting to listen to music or binge TV or write, while my kids essentially subsisted on popsicles and Netflix.

Blah.

But I got up sometime in the evening to make them dinner, and as I was standing in the messy kitchen waiting for the water to boil for their ramen (yep, it was that kind of night), I decided I would at least take the piled-up recycling out. And you know what? As is often the case, deciding to do just one little productive thing really helped reset my brain. I hadn’t been outside at all yet and the fresh air from my several trips to the recycling bin definitely had a positive impact. And once done, I decided that not only would I make dinner for the kids, I would actually make dinner for the scruffy-looking nerfherder and myself, something I haven’t properly done in…a while.

So as I was cooking ramen, I combined some falafel mix with water so it could soak for an hour, then after the kids were in bed, I fried up some falafel, thawed some pita from the freezer, washed and chopped some romaine, cucumber, and grape tomatoes (from the garden!), busted out the Goddess dressing and zhoug sauce from TJ’s and had dinner on the table when the scruffy-looking nerfherder got home.

And it sounds so simple and easy, right? Take the recycling out and make dinner for my family? Who doesn’t do that on a normal day?

Me. I don’t actually do that on a normal day at this particular moment in time. And while it’s hard to admit, it’s no less true. But pushing through my funk to do something productive, even if it wasn’t until the evening, and even if it was something most people do without even thinking about, it helped. It helped so much, I even ended up posting on r/leaves afterward about my journey quitting pot, which I’ve been reluctant to do because…I have issues accepting support? I dunno. But it was cathartic and I’ve gotten some super lovely responses from people who get what I’m going through exactly and are able to offer some really valuable perspective.

And today? Today I’m actually taking the kids to the park to meet up with a friend and her kids, which, again, something most people just assume SAHPs do on the regular, but for me right now, kind of a big deal. And my goal for later this afternoon and evening is to dive into the third installment of my short story series, which I’m giving the working title of “Stolen Heirs,” and which I continue to be pretty stoked about.

So there you have it. A brief update to state the obvious, that depression is fucking depressing, but to also reiterate that sometimes it’s actually the little, mundane, daily actions that can help change our internal narrative, even if just temporarily.

Happy Thor’s Day, bitches!!

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