This’ll be a quickie, as I am in a foul, foul mood today and wouldn’t want that to rub off on you guys.
Because I like you guys.
So I’ll keep that shit to myself.
But I will take a moment to share that yesterday, five days after admitting that I had been smoking (again) for various reasons and planned to stop (again), the scruffy-looking nerfherder and I received some epically upsetting and disappointing news (hence the foul, foul mood) and you know what?
I REALLY WANTED TO GET HIGH.
Or, hell, even have a fucking cigarette.
I know, I know, fucking gross.
But seriously, my first instinct was that I wanted, I needed, I deserved something to “help” me cope with my very large and overwhelming feelings, and it didn’t matter that I said I wouldn’t partake going forward because this was an emergency, dammit.
GodsDAMN, it’s easy to justify getting fucked up, isn’t it? And when my mood is less foul and my brain less distracted, I will expound on our society’s guilt in this arena because it’s a huge collective problem.
But for now, I am happy and proud to report that I remained sober yesterday. I basically spent most of the day in bed sobbing, but I sobbed SOBER, DAMMIT.
And I was kind of whatever about it, but the SLNH pointed out that it was actually a really big deal and I should be super proud of myself.
And so I thought about it more and decided it was and I am.
So there you have it. Progress in sobriety.
And some sober sobbing to go with it.